I was taking Xanax for a while for anxiety, and let me tell you, out of every drug out there... the withdrawals from this are literally hell on earth. Don't ever take it too much in a row. Sweating, shaking, crying, panic, anxiety, nausea, vertigo, spinning, insomnia. It's hell. I was a mess for at least 5 days. I'm finally starting to feel better and this was on a fairly average dose, I can't even imagine what people go through detoxing on higher doses of this stuff. I tried not taking my anti-depressants and switching them for Xanax but nope, hugely bad idea. 0/10 would not recommend.
Will I continue my anti-depressants? I don't know yet. We will see after I'm back to baseline. (Baseline being crippling anxiety -_- )
If anyone out there is suffering from anxiety, just know you are not alone. We are all living the same hell and looking for ways to hopefully make it better. Physical treatment by doctors has come so far in 20 years, but when it comes to mental treatment, they are still far behind sadly.
I'm not sure if this is one of those things that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" I think it will leave the opposite, and leave me with a bit of trauma to be honest hahaha. Goddamn man.
Don't ever touch Benzodiazepines unless you really really REALLY REALLY REALLY have too.
As Marty sat in the train on the way home looking out the window, he was sweating. He didn't usually sweat, but this was the first thing to rock him to the core of his being. A new project had started at work, a project that would forever change his life. Marty took a gulp thinking about his family? were they safe...yes of course. It...it's only me to be afraid of after all...
He was almost home, he relived the memory of the work day through his mind. He was introduced to a new security systems operator by the name of Terry. He looked down at Marty with his oval shaped spectactles as he lead him into a back room. "Since when was this place installed?" Marty said out loud. Terry replied "Oh this? it's nothing really, don't worry about it too much" He lead Marty to a special chair that was surrounded by 3 computers. As Marty sat down feeling like this was a bit of a strange setup, Terry leaned in right near him and spoke strangely softer than he did before.
"Look Marty, we just need you to finish off this last bit of a code, you solve it, and we pay you a straight up 50k, just don't look any further into the Back end, or you will be fired." "uhhhh okay sure lol" Marty replied thinking these security companies they work with are so over dramatic. Marty solved the problem fairly quickly, since he was after all a programming wizard. After 2 hours Terry returned, they compiled the code and right after it was complete Terry yanked some hair out of Martys head.
"What da fuck" Marty replied. Before he got an answer though, Terry had dropped the hair into a little glass of water with a beeping electrical pill inside it. As the hair hit the water, it reacted in a way you would not expect. The hair started to bubble black, melted and turning into whispery thin lines swirling around making DNA patterns. Marty was entranced, nothing this interesting ever happens at the often, so he just sat there dumbfounded.
The black spinning DNA hair eventually formed a gigantic black blob which shattered the glass. Everyone in the room took a step back. The black blob shot a tentacle straight into the roof, floor and ceiling. "GETTT DOWWNNNnnn" Terry shouted as he tipped a table over for cover. Marty hid behind a small paper bin in a panic state. More tentacles shot out, one went straight over martys shoulder smashing into the wall and implatning itself in. Once it stopped, the thing was a slow pulsing cocoon in the middle of the room, throbbing and absorbing electricity out of the walls.
Marty got up, took a seat back on his computer chair and just sat with a horror look on his face, while pulling out his lunch and eating his avocado on toast since being scared makes you hungry. He just say staring at the cocoon while eating. Terry in the background was grinning for some reason, and his boss was just shivering under a table in fear. The room was like a darkly lit room now with the majority of the light coming from the glowing black cocoon.
After about an hour, the cocoon started to shake. Light pierced out one side and cut down the middle, and out walked....another Marty.
Everyone gasped. "WHAT THE FUCK" screamed Marty as avocado spilled out his mouth. The Marty that just got out of the cocoon shouted "WHAT THE FUCK" there was a deathly silence as both Martys just stood staring at each other with the same expression.
"Congratulations!" shouted Terry. "Meet the 2nd you". "The fucking what cunt?" replied Marty. "Well Marty we cloned you. Don't get angry, this is great, it means your clone can attend to anything you don't want to do" Marty started to think, he was kinda right actually. There is a lot I need done at once. "Alright fine lets test it"
"Marvelous!" shouted Terry as he wrote some things down in a notepad. At first things were great, Marty stayed home with his family while the other Marty went to work every day. When he clocked off the 2nd Marty would work on any project wanted him too. Things seemed great and basically perfect.
However, the second Marty was growing angry. He knew he was a clone, but that didn't mean he deserved to be a slave. So the clone decided, to make another clone. As the real Marty returned home one day he dropped the shopping in shock as a clone Marty was having sex with his wife. He ran in and punched the clone in the fridge. Carlie screamed as the two Martys kept fighting.
"Why the fuck should I be YOUR slave" shouted clone Marty. He then took off out his house. Marty stood there shaking with anger but also fear. His self was now out there...What would he do.
Marty took the week off work to recover, things started to die down...until he returne to work. He stood in horror as the entire building was now Marty clones. The receptionist wearing a wig looked at him and said "Hello sir, how may I help you?" in a girly Marty voice. The real Marty stood in shock as he looked at 30 Marty programmers, 3 Marty janitors, 5 Marty Managers and 1 Marty clone boss in a window viewed office.
The real marty gulped as he just blended in by...being himself. He walked around and sat at his local work station, grasping his cup in fear as he looked around. There were so many, he has now lost his uniqueness. His identity, they have literally taken away himself. If he were to die, no one would know the real Marty died.
As he wandered the hallways looking for a plan.....to be continued
This is what I'm currently eating each day to gain muscle and remain healthy. Decided I'd write it down since my friend thinks I survive solely on a diet of potatoes and oxygen. Which is sometimes true, but not currently while I'm attempting to gain muscle. Okay here we go.
8am - Protein Shake and 1 pack oatmeal.
Estimated calories - 308 Calories
Oatmeal - 158 Calories for 1 cup
Protien Shake - 150 calories
10:30am - 4 Eggs on wholemeal toast.
Estimated Calories - 462
Eggs - 78 per egg x 4
Toast - 75 per slice x 2
1pm - 1 Lamb Chop with Roasted Sweet Potato in butter and olive oil.
Estimated Calories - 380
Lamb Chop - 294 Calories
Sweet Potato - 86 Calories
5pm - Tuna cooked with egg, veges and garlic with beetroot.
Estimated Calories - 198 Calories
1x Can of Tuna - 70 per can
1x Egg - 78 calories per egg
Veges - 50 calories of veges
7pm - Chocolate Chip Toast
Estimated Calories - 160 Calories
Toast - 80x2 Slices
9pm - Extras cooked from earlier - 3 Lamb Chops and Sweet Potato
Estimated Calories - 974 Calories
Lamb Chops x3 - 888 Calories
Sweet Potato - 86 calories
2 litres of Water
Supplements - B Complex, Magnesium, Multi-Vitamin, L-Dopa
Then after that I had some small biscuits and cupcakes before falling asleep. Not much worth mentioning though.
Estimated Total Calories Consumed - 2482
The Average male needs to consume - 2500 Calories per day
My meals contained a constant balance of protein, carbs and fats.
Overall I'm pretty happy with these meals, I usually mix them up a lot, others include chicken and veges for example in place of any of these meals. Overall I feel full, not sluggish from overeating, and more energy and no sugar crash. We will see how it goes more long term if I can keep it up.
So I tend to binge one game to the next, it was Counter-Strike Go, but it is now Dota (Defence of the Ancients)
I have 399 hours on record. I actually got the game in 2012, but never played it much because I mostly played Heroes of Newerth. However the game has died out now and since Dota is the closest to it, I went full in.
I did the all pick challenge winning a game with every hero which took around 238 games with the 117 heroes. Which is a whole lot of learning very quickly while playing vsing actual players. I like to go balls deep learning while fighting. Adds more fun. Albeit gaps in my knowledge.
I just paid the $5 for one month of Dota Plus and so far its been worth it. The custom skins and extra diamond achievements I added to gyrocopter look pretty cool and track your stats. I also like the extra challenges it adds to each hero to do during the game making it extra fun. Plus of course unlocking funny sound effects.
So far I'm still a noob, even though I reached rank 3 fairly quickly I still have a lot to learn. Luckily the heroes are half the same as HON, so I was able to learn the game much quicker than another player. Gyrocopter is my favourite hero at the moment, I made a guide for him that can be found here.
The reason he is my favourite is due to rocket barrage, he can fly along them basically delivering nonstop missiles into there face, it's strong and very satisfying. Not only that but his slow moving rocket stun is hilarious to watch chase them so slowly just for it to land so I can use his ulti which is no joke just a nuke. I have a win rate of almost 70% with gyro at the moment, so TAKE HEED OF MY GUIDE.
MOBA's are one of my favourite genres, they took the slowness of RPG's and they sped it up into a fast paced rough game. Instead of players just competing in "time" where they brag about there character that they simply farmed with all the time in the world, this puts pressure under them to put other skills to the test on top of RPG skills. Including, countering, map awareness, teamwork, item builds, juking, game knowledge, reactions and more.
MOBAS seperate the men from the MMORPG and RPG kids.