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News Archive for ‘Drunken Stories’

Fight Over Your Mum Jokes

So went out drinking after not going out for ages, and the night was fairly crap i’d say cept for 2 events. So angry though, the pubs stopped selling jager bombs. Now i’ll have to find something else to easily get drunk on…

So was in the nightclub and this girl jumps on the rail and leans over hugging my friend and swinging back and forth over rail. I’m just thinking…don’t fall.. then she grabs my drink and makes one of them girly “WOOO” screams. Then she falls off the rail onto her back and smashs my drink. I know what you’re thinking, just like me, I was appalled and saddened at my drink being smashed!

So we get hungry and head to the kebab shop, and outside is this guy yelling your mum jokes at this guy, and he’s taking it hell seriously till he starts yelling back. Then the guy gets to angry and punches him in the face, and some haymaker punches break out. The guy who was saying the your mum jokes is easily winning hitting the guy to the ground. Then the guy whos losing gets up and walks over and is like oh man, I’m sorry yeah bro and holds out his hand to shake it. The guy says “WHAT THE FUCK, YOU FUCKING MORON” then punches him in the face again. The guy then runs at him and he gets pushed back and falls over, then he decides to give up and leave.

Rest of the night was sitting outside kebab shop eating kebab while the workers of the kebab shop talk about the cool fight. Making POW noises.

Quite amusing I spose.

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Shoe Escapade

Night started out as a game of Text hold-em poker with friends. We were each betting $30. I LOST T_T, but it was fun. During this I drank 5 can of UDL’s then we went to the nightclub.

At the nightclub I have 3 shots of “Orgasm” and 1 shot of “Afterburner” and I drink 2 smirnoff cruisers. Yep…wayyy past my limit now, I regret it. The mistake was having all the shots really close together. i didn’t do much to be honest. I’m really sick of nightclubs now I’ve realised. The drunk part is fun and the stories to tell afterwards, but the other 90% is just dancing and trying to get a girl which I’m terrible at normally let alone in a nightclub. My best assets are being funny, and in a nightclub with blaring music…you really can’t make decent conversation by shouting in someones ear.

So all your left with is your looks and your dancing skills. Yeah, I’m pretty much fucked then :)

Then all the shots kick in and I decide to leave, this is where things get hazy and my friend fills me in about later. I try to leave and they wouldn’t let me leave with the drink I had in my hand, and so I did the only logical thing to do. Yes that’s right I laughed at them and ran past them. So now I have a glass I don’t need….So I just throw it away somewhere.

I get a kebab and I’m so drunk that my friend gets a taxi for me and on the way home. I THINK I threw up, or i spilt kebab everywhere and he kicked me out. I had to walk the rest of the way which was like 30minutes. Got home and I couldn’t open the door, so I just bang on the door and sit down till my mum answers. Oops!

While I throw up a lot in the toilet. Mum asks where my shoes are, I tell her. I DON’T NEED NO SHOES FOR DANCIN! then sleep.

I wake up in the morning and yes my shoes are gone to my bewilderment and also my wallet….great.

Luckily my mums bf accidently found my shoes a few streets down on someones lawn, and my wallet in the letter box…I have no idea what my drunken self was thinking at the time. But I’m sure he had a perfectly good explanation.

I think I’ll have a break from going out…

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My Birthday

Woo I’m now 19. One more year of being an angsty angry out of control teenager, than I become a frickin’…adult..with…”responsibilities” Oh god. How horrible, what a cruel world.

My birthday was pretty crap really. 2 of my friends didn’t wanna come out cause they were going to a girls birthday the next day and didn’t wanna be tired. Gee thanks. The other 2 didn’t drink, and my other friend drank so much that he passed out before we even left, I tried to drag him out, but well, he wouldn’t have been very talkative.

Forgot my ID, so luckily I managed to quickly run in behind a huge group of people, did crap all in pub, told people it was my birthday just to get free drinks so I at least got something good there.

Went to nightclub. Danced Stupidly. Then I got bored….So i decided to entertain myself by standing up on the top rail above the dance floor and lean down and scruffled girls hair, so there hair got messy. They got really angry at this. I smiled.

Got bored, walked home alone with nothing but a delicious kebab.

Got to my room, threw up on the carpet and fell asleep. Oh yes, I am now 19.

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I'm Alive Yay

A night made up of ridiculous events…

- Got asked for ID about 10 times in the night
- Seeing my old high school teacher completely drunk, he buys everyone a shot
- Me telling someone I hate them more than anyone else in the world…
- Another different drunk teacher buying me a shot
- Walking home while completely drunk…..which is a 1-2 hour walk
- Falling into a drain…pants now smell very bad….
- Getting home, putting chicken tenders in the oven…but then fell asleep
- Wake up with the house smelling like smoke and chicken, in the oven is black charcoal…..luckily the house didn’t burn down

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