Who is Really There

I've gone through a lot of different types of friendships over the years now. Every time things got bad I was always surprised who was still there at the end of it. Were always told all them cliche things like when things get bad you find out who your real friends are. I never really thought much of this until it happened to me. It's weird how some people you had known since school will take off and ditch you in a second where some people I had only known a few months stuck by my side.

It's all part of growing up, we learn who matters and who never really did. Sometimes no matter how nice someone acts to your face and says they'll always be there doesn't really mean anything until it's put to the test. Then theirs the fact that if you are to blame yourself, can you blame them? can you blame someone for going away if you are to blame? it's a tricky subject. Though this deserved a topic in articles for me cause it's been a topic of my life for a long time. I blame myself a lot and I try not too, it's hard and it eats you away.

Ironically when you make friends with people into drugs, you always are under the impression that they are just using you for the drug, and as soon as money and the drug dries up they will ditch you. Sometimes this is true, but it's not actually as true as the stereotype would suggest. These people have usually come from broken families or a tough upbringing and will stick through bad times more with you because they understand what it is like from living them more often and they can be more forgiving after a fight. Where on the flipside you take a person who's been your friend since school and never has done a bad thing in his life, they were one of the people to abuse me to my face and leave overnight. these people don't know how to deal with problems so they just cut them out their life instead of putting in effort to solve them. It's interesting and sad to look back on. I always miss everyone I've ever had a friendship with in some way or another though even if they end up turning out to be a selfish asshole underneath.

I like to think I'm weird in the fact I have different things in common with lots of types of people. So even though a certain few people I may not see as often as other people, I still feel closer to them then some others because of the fact we have shared something deeper or bonding at a certain time. Leaving high school I thought I had it worked out what a friend is, they are someone you hang out with, play games and talk to regularly. This ends up being far from the truth. A friend is someone that ends up showing you that they really do enjoy your company, opinions and thoughts over time by showing it. Who you can see eye to eye together even when you disagree on a subject. Someone you harbor no jealousy or ill-feelings for when they are not around you.

It's been almost one year since I changed my life and lost a lot of my old so called "friends" and gained a lot of closer ones by opening up all this stuff to the people around me. By doing so we end up going through stuff together, instead of just sharing your failures or success with them, you actually grow and challenge things together. You are tolerant of there shortcomings or bad signs just as they are of you. It doesn't matter if it's friend, family or partner. A relationship is a relationship in the end. It always hurts when that person is no longer part of your life. Better to have a few good friends then lots of fake friends.

I miss all the people I shared different moments of my life with. I always have those memories and will remember them as the person that taught me this, or helped me with that, or simply shared that moment of my life with. People under-estimate the amount of impact we have on someones life just by being there. I wish I knew these things earlier in my life and I might not have lost so many, I may have changed myself in fact to be a better friend myself. Unfortunately these are the life lessons we all learn. You can only learn from them and move on and try be a better person from then on.

I value every friendship I have these days. I am a little more jaded and less open as I'm more scared of being hurt. It's happened a lot and I sometimes wish I was an asshole so I could just forget it and move on, however I'm someone with a big heart that misses everyone I ever knew. Even if they ended up wronging me and I can't talk to them again. I'll still always live with a little regret that things could not have been different. That is where my depressions stems from that fact I don't let go very easily. Things linger in my heart a long time. Like how my ex moved on to a new boyfriend before I had even gotten over it. I wonder how she could forget 3 years so easy very often, but they say girls are quicker to move on because they are more emotionally mature and think different to guys after a breakup.

All in all take this as a small lesson to not only value all your friendships but also be careful on not thinking that life can change in a heartbeat. Sometimes the closest people to you aren't who you think. I myself have friends now closer to me then any family ever could be. Some might say this is sad, but I don't. Family to me seem to get this notion that they are automatically awarded respect, but when things got tough for me, my family bailed on me and ditched me. Nowhere to be seen in fact. Where as I had some close friends help me through it. That was a big eye opener of my life. Some people are closer to family than friends and that's great. However I just am not one of those people as I was kicked out of home when I had nowhere to go by my own mother at one stage. That stuff stays with you forever.

I'm just like you, we all have past things we need to let go of or else they will consume us and drive us to stressful early deaths due to trying to cover them up with alcohol and drugs. Letting go is not easy however, in fact it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It's the only way forward though. Accept things for what they are and move on or you'll relive the past everyday of your life and be stuck in groundhog day. I know, because I've lived it for a long time. Forgive everyone that wrongs you, just don't forget their names.

Ironically I have a lot of online friends that are pretty close to me as well. Talking to someone online is another different format, it's almost like they like you more because there is no responsibility of hanging out with you. Sad but true, also it's easier to open up over chat then it is in person. Some of my biggest fans I have for my games have never met me, sadly I wonder if this is because I am different in person or because they share more in common with me then my non game maker friends. Either way it's great to have online and offline friends. They both offer different things.

My opinion isn't fact, learn from my views but make up your own mind.

Permalink Posted in Articles by Eggy on Jul 1, 2013