News Archive

Shoe Escapade

Night started out as a game of Text hold-em poker with friends. We were each betting $30. I LOST T_T, but it was fun. During this I drank 5 can of UDL’s then we went to the nightclub.

At the nightclub I have 3 shots of “Orgasm” and 1 shot of “Afterburner” and I drink 2 smirnoff cruisers. Yep…wayyy past my limit now, I regret it. The mistake was having all the shots really close together. i didn’t do much to be honest. I’m really sick of nightclubs now I’ve realised. The drunk part is fun and the stories to tell afterwards, but the other 90% is just dancing and trying to get a girl which I’m terrible at normally let alone in a nightclub. My best assets are being funny, and in a nightclub with blaring music…you really can’t make decent conversation by shouting in someones ear.

So all your left with is your looks and your dancing skills. Yeah, I’m pretty much fucked then :)

Then all the shots kick in and I decide to leave, this is where things get hazy and my friend fills me in about later. I try to leave and they wouldn’t let me leave with the drink I had in my hand, and so I did the only logical thing to do. Yes that’s right I laughed at them and ran past them. So now I have a glass I don’t need….So I just throw it away somewhere.

I get a kebab and I’m so drunk that my friend gets a taxi for me and on the way home. I THINK I threw up, or i spilt kebab everywhere and he kicked me out. I had to walk the rest of the way which was like 30minutes. Got home and I couldn’t open the door, so I just bang on the door and sit down till my mum answers. Oops!

While I throw up a lot in the toilet. Mum asks where my shoes are, I tell her. I DON’T NEED NO SHOES FOR DANCIN! then sleep.

I wake up in the morning and yes my shoes are gone to my bewilderment and also my wallet….great.

Luckily my mums bf accidently found my shoes a few streets down on someones lawn, and my wallet in the letter box…I have no idea what my drunken self was thinking at the time. But I’m sure he had a perfectly good explanation.

I think I’ll have a break from going out…

Permalink Posted in Drunken Stories by Eggy on Sep 1, 2009

Fight Over Your Mum Jokes

So went out drinking after not going out for ages, and the night was fairly crap i’d say cept for 2 events. So angry though, the pubs stopped selling jager bombs. Now i’ll have to find something else to easily get drunk on…

So was in the nightclub and this girl jumps on the rail and leans over hugging my friend and swinging back and forth over rail. I’m just thinking…don’t fall.. then she grabs my drink and makes one of them girly “WOOO” screams. Then she falls off the rail onto her back and smashs my drink. I know what you’re thinking, just like me, I was appalled and saddened at my drink being smashed!

So we get hungry and head to the kebab shop, and outside is this guy yelling your mum jokes at this guy, and he’s taking it hell seriously till he starts yelling back. Then the guy gets to angry and punches him in the face, and some haymaker punches break out. The guy who was saying the your mum jokes is easily winning hitting the guy to the ground. Then the guy whos losing gets up and walks over and is like oh man, I’m sorry yeah bro and holds out his hand to shake it. The guy says “WHAT THE FUCK, YOU FUCKING MORON” then punches him in the face again. The guy then runs at him and he gets pushed back and falls over, then he decides to give up and leave.

Rest of the night was sitting outside kebab shop eating kebab while the workers of the kebab shop talk about the cool fight. Making POW noises.

Quite amusing I spose.

Permalink Posted in Drunken Stories by Eggy on Sep 1, 2009

Old Guy

When we were up on holiday in Darwin. This old guy comes into the parking lot to park, he drives forward and sees a trolley at the end of his parking spot, he didn’t need to move it, but he gets out of his car and moves it anyway.

Then he drives forward into the parking spot and keeps going and hits the car parked in front….uh oh you moronic old guy.

He gets out, looks at his car pushing into the car in front and he then just walks off, he doesn’t even bother to move his car backwards to stop his car denting into the other one……My god.

F-A-C-E-P-A-L-M!

Permalink Posted in Rants by Eggy on Sep 1, 2009

Asian and Indian Helpline People

So my internet was dying today due to random stupid reasons of crap, and then you know what you have to do when you’re down to your last options….thats right. Ring a fucking helpline. About as much fun as bobbing for cyanide tablets.

Now even when you get a person that can speak ENGLISH they’re still a pain in the ass and take forever, it’s like service dumbed down for apes on heroin. You say straight out, ok look I’ve checked the wires and the lights are all on thats not the problem so lets move on. What do they say? No sir we must check everything properly. Now first. Is the power light on the modem green?

YES ITS FUCKING GREEN, I KNOW HOW TO CHECK IF THE POWERS ON!!

So you go through that boring shit and thats bad enough till they fix the problem by just resetting your fucking internet which is what they should have done in the first place.

But then, thats a good phone call. Then you get the people that have such a heavy accent that you wanna scream. You have to ask them to repeat everything 10 times. I’m not racist about this. Seriously, it has nothing to do with there race, it has to do with there voice. If you get a plain ol white english person and I can’t understand him either. I would be wishing his vocal chords into the fires of hell just like the rest of them.

Best option as people say? Just hang up on them as soon as you hear if they’re asian or indian, but then you have to ring up again, and again. It’s like playing lucky dip with telstra.

Oh you gots a number 3 out of the barrel? Ren U Gets RASIAN RACENT lololol

Fuck you helplines.

Permalink Posted in Rants by Eggy on Sep 1, 2009

First 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 Last